Saturday, 9 June 2012

The Drama of Relationships, Emotional Parasites, and the Cyanide Psyche

Many of my readers have asked I submit more material and commentary regarding various personality disorders, character flaws, and general psychos. You got it!

Manipulators, Control Freaks, Psychopaths, Female Sociopaths, Paranoia PPD, Male Jealously, Flirting, Love & Lust

— All which will be covered in this post.

I have observed over the years when it comes to deciphering the hidden and true emotional fabric of those around us; especially those we are in close relations with, many are blind and fail to recognize they are been duped. And that beckoning awareness is greatly hindered by the fact that those who are perpetrators of emotional abuse and control, embellish themselves so deeply in their own mental puke, they have convinced themselves they are right, which just accentuates the problem.


Keeping good health and course in relationships is a daunting road to navigate... equally, the architecture of our own minds and consciousness is just as challenging in all the imbuing emotional landscapes... One of the most challenging and ugliest is dealing with rage and domestic violence. Both overt and covert. And whether it's online or offline... dealing with chaos and highly negative emotions and reactions is a real experience for many.

Negative agendas can be out in the open, or they can hide behind a foray or deceptions. Anger, resentment and jealousy are often camouflaged by a grossly self righteous demeanor and pompous exterior... It's important to distinguish between those on the path of peace, and those on the path of war. Well versed practitioners of manipulation and emotional blackmail will place themselves on a saint-like pedestal in an attempt to justify their obscene behavior; however such a status can not be maintained, thus the facade of truth and justice begins to peal, and the true layers begin to reveal a highly negative agenda and motivation.

The self appointed guru with the 'holier than thou' attitude, will publicly anoint themselves in a glossy stream of high spiritual preachings and glitter, yet in reality they swim in the muck of their own foul delusion.

It's very easy for one to say they are a champion of love, truth and honor.... preach the gospel of integrity etc. However, words and fancy displays can account for naught if their 'real' behavior and 'face', speaks something vastly different pertaining to a hate-constructed football field. For example, and mostly critically — one who is a legitimate beacon of love and truth, will be armed with depthless humility and compassion, they will adopt a kind, sensible, understanding and noble approach to all tasks in every step they take.. and if they make a wrong step, they will go back, and move forward again only when their bearing is just. REAL LOVE AND TRUTH MAKES NO ROOM OR BARGAIN UPON ANYTHING LESS THAN THOSE ATTRIBUTES.

People who have over inflated egos will harness and engage distorted logic/reasoning, further amalgamated with a temperament that will twist everything another might say in order to satisfy their own failures and insecurities so they can be right and feel justified in their actions. Ego maniacs love to perform and will shine their brightest phony light for their friends and seek audience. They will go to any lengths to see their bullshit solidified, such as playing the victim role or invalidating others, being cruel and callas, entice dissent, whilst propping themselves up further in their own immortal shrine. Much of their baloney will occur under the pretense of love and justice or truth... But such behavioral patterns and traits have nothing remotely whatsoever to do with love. Love does not look like that! Neither to the blind nor the dumb! It only looks like that in the cold eyes of spite, corruption, deception and hatred.
Failure to reason and move forward with unwavering sincerity and warmth, real wish to initiate, see peace realized within themselves and upon others... will leave the person suspended in self created misery and hurt... for a very very long time!

There has to be maturity and wisdom working in tandem for real progress towards peace in order for it to be realized. Within the emotional conundrum, rational discernment, kindness and sincerity is a choice...We all know who we are if we look deep enough... we all have the ability to make choices based on objectives and desires that are kind and authentic, or stained with negative intent.

Let's turn on the electron mindoscope and look closer at psychopaths, abusive controllers, emotional trolls and fruit cakes:

Psychopaths cannot be understood in terms of antisocial rearing or development. They are simply morally depraved individuals who represent the "monsters" in our society. They are unstoppable and untreatable predators whose violence is planned, purposeful and emotionless. Their emotionlessness reflects a detached, fearless, and possibly dissociated state, revealing a low-state autonomic nervous system and lack of anxiety. It's difficult to say what motivates them - control and dominance possibly - since their life history will usually show no long-standing bonds with others nor much rhyme to their reason. They tend to operate with a grandiose demeanor, an attitude of entitlement, an insatiable appetite, and a tendency toward sadism in worst cases. Fearlessness is probably the prototypical (core) characteristic (the low-fear hypothesis). It's helpful to think of them as high-speed vehicles with ineffective brakes.

Psychopaths suffer from major emotional deficits and do not experience real love or empathy, typically profoundly selfish and lack emotion. Many psychopaths have wonderful charming personalities, though all lack in character. This is not immediately obvious. *For example, crime writer Ann Rule was close friend of serial killer, Ted Bundy, for years before she could bring herself to admit he was guilty of horrendous atrocities. She described him as one of the nicest men she knew. Not all pschopaths are killers... some are just as insidious with hobbies of emotional terrorism and relationship games. Don't be fooled by smooth appearances or a sweet tongue. The nicest rosy-cheeked girl in your neighborhood can be an insane asshole and the last person you'd want to get entangled with. The guy that mows your lawns may appear to be the most wonderful caring man you'd trust with your life, but he may very well go home and shoot his pets when they get sick because he doesn't want to take them to the vet or care for them. This personality will assault or kill, and less than 10mins later, you'll find him or her feet up in the lounge with a cup of chamomile tea watching Mary Poppins.

Psychopaths are cunning, heartless and manipulative, and they make for perilous interview subjects, *according to Michael Woodworth, one of the authors and a psychologist who studies psychopathy at the University of British Columbia.
"It is unbelievable," Woodworth said. "You can spend two or three hours and come out feeling like you are hypnotized."

There are reasons and evidence to support that psychopaths' speech patterns can show distinctive characteristics.. Careful observation and analysis can give them away, they unconsciously betray themselves. They are clever, but not as clever as they think.

The Manipulating Maniac

I can recognize a manipulator at 50 feet, a skill I am grateful for. I urge you to take the time and read my previous two posts on human behavior to tune up your discernment hardware and be able to identify their modus operandi, and respond accordingly.

If there’s one human personality defect where the subject will never admit or consider ownership of — it’s the marauding manipulator. Holly fuck, these twits think they can sell ice to Eskimos and convince the Moon it’s really Jupiter with an identity crisis.

Manipulative people are typically very charming and extroverted, their very energy draw's you in at first and you love to be in their presence.  But manipulation is a growing tide of pestilence and you will soon grow weary of it. And that experience can be avoided if you wise up to their true nature.

Cracks in the veneer

The first time you disagree with a manipulator, (no matter how good they are) will show you a crack in their veneer. Manipulative people have to have an audience or a posse, and dissenters are seen as a threat to their identity. The first time you disagree, even on some minor personal or professional point, any class A manipulator gets thrown into a tailspin. And it's quite amusing to watch them getting all flustered and desperate trying to regain stranglehold or position.

When you begin to verbally disagree, point out inconsistencies in a manipulator's behavior, they typically do one of three things; attack, back off if they see you as too much of a challenge, or try harder to manipulate you. No matter how bad their behavior gets, they rarely apologize. Any of these actions from a manipulator is meant to accomplish only one thing; make you come running to do their bidding while your own self esteem is broken down and dismantled.

Basic Remedy:
Recognize that manipulators are weak.

Manipulators will absolutely run the other way when they realize they are unable to manipulate you.

— Good! That’s what you want in case you have not already realized it; hence they will go and manipulate someone else. Promote that to occur if you are entangled with one — by standing your ground and holding them on point — refer to my recent blog post:

>Whilst personality & emotional disorders qualify equally unto both sexes. This next illustration is for the guys... time to wake up and clue in to who you are dealing with:

Emotional abuse and manipulation/Female Sociopaths

Manipulation and Control Tactics:
These tactics are used to change the balance of power in the relationship. This begins in subtle ways early in the relationship with hidden invasions of privacy, jealousy and possessiveness disguised as passion, increasing demands for your time and attention, and extreme behavior.

The Abusive Consumer will use these methods to begin the process of getting what she wants from you.

The Abusive Controller will use these methods to begin taking control of your life away from you.

Emotional Abuse:  
A pattern of mental attack, causing a sense of impending threat in the relationship.  Everything good between you dangles on the edge of abuse, depending solely on whether or not you remain in her good graces. These attacks involve demeaning verbal attacks on a persons identity, invalidation and the destruction of positive self-worth. This is used both as a punishment for failing to meet rigid, unhealthy expectations and as a means to manipulate the victim into falling back into line.

Female Abusers often fall into two categories:

1. Abusive Controllers:
Women who want to control you so they can own you mind, body and soul. You are an extension of herself, to be arranged and managed. She is not really interested in who you are, but more in whom she requires you to be. To her, compliance is love. Meeting her rigid expectations and giving her complete access to you 24/7, is what she wants from you.

2. Abusive Consumers:  
Women who want to control you so they can have access to everything you've got. You are a tool she uses to elevate her own life. She is more interested in the lifestyle you can provide for her than the relationship she has with you. To her, giving her things is love. She may resist too much closeness, because closeness is really more of a means to an end; beyond that, it's is problem for her.
**Important to Note: Some women take on aspects of both these postures, so watch and listen carefully. One thing is certain: whether she is a Controller, a Consumer or both, it's all about her, all the time. Your role is limited to what you’re doing for her, or failing to do for her!

From the book ‘Venus: The Dark Side--Female Sociopaths’.
There are male sociopaths and there are female sociopaths, but female sociopaths are rarely discussed. In Venus: The Dark Side, authors Roy Sheppard and Mary T Cleary offer great insights.

*As contributed:

“The consequences of her behavior are always somebody else’s problem, not hers. She is never to blame for anything...Because she’s out to control, she manipulates and punishes at will. She is the witness, the judge, the lawyer, the jury, the executioner - but never the accused... She will break the rules without a second thought, if the end justifies the means.”

Guys, I have mentioned before... someone who has consistently demonstrated immunity to accountability should set off a sea of red flags!

Remember, the prominence of her demeanor is: You are dealing with Gandhi's long lost fucking love child. Nothing to own in her mind. In fact, every time she fucks up, it will be your fault! You made her do it LOL.

“Sociopaths are notoriously difficult to spot because most of them are incredibly adept at hiding their true self and their motives. Since childhood the female sociopath may have developed complex and often subconscious methods to deceive her targets. On the surface she appears excessively friendly and charming. In fact, an early warning sign is that you suspect she is too good to be true. She probably is.”

“She believes she is entitled to everything she desires. With an overdeveloped sense of self, working for what she wants is an inconvenience. Hard work is for everybody else. She wants the fast buck and the short-cut to success. Becoming a social parasite is quicker than toiling for anything. And when she pulls it off, she can then congratulate herself on cheating, conning or defrauding others who may be more intelligent or successful than she is.”

Her every whim must be accommodated. Humility is alien to her. She is self-centered, lacks compassion and acts more like a cold breeze in a Plutonian wind storm.

Creating self-doubt in her victims’ minds is an integral part of her approach. Beware this technique – this is their greatest tool of trade.

The Twisted Psycholox Parasite

This one is just too easy to cover. But let me spell it out to you:

When absolutely everything you communicate, every spoken/written attempt at reason and civil conduct, is spat on, twisted and twisted again, to such a degree it becomes something completely untrue and unrecognizable to what you expressed or shared initially. This is a defense mechanism, and it’s also the behavior tactic of pathetic low life slime pushers. Little commentary or explanation is required here, suffice to say, the reason for it is simply they have been caught out and their fallacy exposed. They know they have not basis, or a leg to stand on, they feel backed into a corner and resort to childish antics.

Paranoid personality disorder (PPD)
(Applies to all)
  • Doubt the commitment, loyalty, or trustworthiness of others, believing others are using or deceiving them
  • Are reluctant to confide in others or reveal personal information due to a fear that the information will be used against them
  • Are unforgiving and hold grudges
  • Are hypersensitive and take criticism poorly
  • Read hidden meanings in the innocent remarks or casual looks of others
  • Perceive attacks on their character that are not apparent to others; they generally react with anger and are quick to retaliate
  • Have recurrent suspicions, without reason, that their spouses or lovers are being unfaithful
  • Are generally cold and distant in their relationships with others, and might become controlling and jealous
  • Cannot see their role in problems or conflicts, believing they are always right
  • Have difficulty relaxing
  • Are hostile, stubborn, and argumentative

Paranoia is a major issue. Some people are infinite SLAVES TO PARANOIA. So much so they self sabotage all initial good intentions and sensible reasoning mechanisms. And extreme cases will utterly destroy all that is healthy for them and around them. The acute paranoid mind has been re-wired into a working factory of disaster, every conceivable notion of good and innocence is obliterated and transformed into doom. Professional help is critical. But most of all, the person in question must 'want' to change... must be brutally hungry to get better, snap out of the haze, and mentally-tattoo themselves with healthy thought patterns and accommodate them every day with positive reinforcement exercises.

Having said that, and this is where things get tricky – when the paranoid personality disorder is integrated to complement the toxic emotional structures/agendas of a psychopath.. (it’s common to find these strange tandem psychological conditions in joint progress). It becomes dangerous. And one has to question the validity and worth of any efforts undertaken to promote change, willingly or otherwise. Simply put – the clinical psychopath will not care, not today.. not tomorrow… and unlikely any time in the future.

Further examples of Paranoia Personality Disorder:

Your girl friend finds a romantic image on the net which was not directed at anyone, but you simply like, yet she claims you are having feelings for someone else or betrayal.

She finds a conversation shared between you and a former girl friend, that’s years before you even met your current love interest, and she claims you are still seeing the other girl or wanting to.

You have a busy day at work and don’t respond to an email until the next morning; she states you have lost interest in her and you better pay attention quick if you care about the relationship.

You give a compliment on someone’s photo on Facebook, and she screams betrayal and calls you a womanizer.

Getting the picture yet?

And I could illustrate literally hundreds of examples… why? Because the paranoid personality disorder always comes up with hundreds of reasons and claims funded by their paranoia!

Key: Don’t let anyone railroad you into feeling guilty, or accommodating a blame game, for something erroneous. Your girl friend does not have the right to pull into question, chapters and events you shared with a previous love interest years ago, or prior, and use it as a tool to manipulate you or invalidate your character. It’s none of her business; no matter what angle she tries to put on it, it will never be her business. It’s only your business!

Realty: She attempts to make it her business purely out of emotional insecurity and to facilitate control.

Don’t fall for that shit.. kick it back under the bridge and move on.


This is sometimes a controversial subject. Flirting usually connotes fun, playful behavior towards another person, usually when some attraction is involved. Encarta defines it as behaving "in a playfully alluring way."

Playfully alluring behavior can be seen as an instance of breaking established rules in the relationship – unwritten or implied rules that govern how partners behave once they enter into that relationship.

However, one cannot discount the popular view that flirting can just be harmless fun, without any intent to go further, which generally speaking, is all it is.
Do people in love, soul mates, flirt with others? Yes and no, some do and others not. The reality is neither is wrong.

What matters, is if you do flirt with someone — it does not lead to infidelity. Or you are not flirting/engaging with another in such a way where one or both parties are planning to go beyond a simple flirtatious exchange, into meeting up with each other and having a relationship or casual sex. There are boundaries when it comes to flirting, or any kind of interacting with others outside of your relationship. If you cross the line, then you got to own it.

It can get ridiculous though; there are those who believe that just fantasizing, or a fleeting thought, about another person constitutes cheating. If you are in a relationship, and are committed to that person, complimenting someone else on their appearance or attire, is not even remotely flirting or cheating. The odd flirtatious remark expressed; nor is that an act of betrayal. And it never will constitute betrayal regardless of protest to suggest otherwise. The holly inquisition will not come and take you away in shackles.

People’s ludicrous sense of entitlement will conveniently twist morals and rational into – ‘every gaze that is met upon another person’s form or photo’ — to you being an evil traitor. Wrong!

If someone attempts to demonize you for a harmless flirtatious act, first of all, remember the probable cause and origins (referring to all above). Stemming from insecurity and control — emotional terrorists and self righteous control freaks, love to mind fuck you in a courtyard of melodramatic anarchy.

But make no mistake gentleman. If your girlfriend comes home and finds you in bed screwing the neighbor, or finds two airline tickets to Paris hidden under the mattress, with your name and that of her best friend, well then you have earned the mark of  betrayal.

The Jealous Man

This one is specifically for the female audience.

Men hold fame for being very jealous in a variety of circumstances. And they; like females, can be extremely controlling. Unfortunately, sexual possessiveness and the resulting jealousy seem to be hardwired into the male psyche. Jealousy causes activity in the amygdala and hypothalamus. These parts of the brain can initiate violent aggression. Selfishness is linked to possessiveness. As a normal part of human development, children often do not want to share their belongings. Possessiveness can often lead to one child physically harming another for touching his things. If this behavioral problem is not fixed early, it can last into adulthood, affecting that person's relationships with other adults. Jealousy is linked directly to insecurity. If insecurity is not brought to the surface, it can fester inside of you.
In episodes of jealously, men are often more linear… they envision simple rules of ownership and entertain pure jealously to the point of out of control rage. They can’t seem to get past that cave-man syndrome, where the answer is to proverbially knock everything on the head instead of trying to understand the world around them, and more importantly, trying to understand themselves.

You know what a jealous controlling man is! It’s very simple, and you must ask yourself this: Do you ever feel uncomfortable in his presence, feel intimidated, or have concern for your safety? Are you ever hesitant to go out with friends and be your own person? Make your own decisions and choices?

For men who are insanely jealous, it is highly unlikely they will ever change. They were a jealous delinquent at 18, they are going to have the same issues when they are 58. Think I’m wrong? You better do your homework!

If your stress levels are off the charts and you feel helpless or hold little or no belief that things are going to change, then be the change! That is — get out, leave, go anywhere but near that man. Do not wait for him to convince you he’s no good by getting physically beaten up. You deserve a guy that will not act like crazed jealous retard. Jealously is not love. Control is not love.

Find a man who will commit to you, love and cherish you, but allow you to be free and independent, even when together. Such a man will encourage these things.. he will appreciate your wings and watch you fly. He will paint your beauty as you soar thru the clouds and frame it on the wall. In his presence you will feel comfortable and happy all the time. You will feel peace. That’s love!

True Love

Requires devotion through the highs and lows of partnership. A steadfast decision to commit yourself to another person and to work through conflicts instead of giving up based on arbitrary whims or disputes bearing no or sufficient scale. A willingness to communicate and negotiate upon appropriate and flexible expectations of each other ~ this requires a lot of selflessness and polite assertiveness. A deep bond forged in respect and admiration… unfolding in a collaboration of wisdom, maturity and passion. These basic ingredients make up the spiritual essence of love and cannot be wrought into other purpose. Sharing all facets of the journey, evolving together, is the way... and where the Sun shines brightest... Love’s horizon illuminates the most grand.
A solid partnership shaped in a formula of intensely shared genuine affection, growth, rational discernment, kindness and sincerity, confidence security, will provide the ideal atmosphere and peaceful stage for which true love can bloom freely and openly – anything less is not authentic or an attribute of love.  Anything less, is an injustice to real love. A blissful relationship can be celebrated & shared if the right seeds are sown and nurtured.


Is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning desire – a reckless commitment to satisfy one's all consuming lust and state of mind numbing euphoria. The emotional impulse of love untested by time or circumstance will not deliver satisfaction or authenticity in partnership no matter how much fairy dust one sprinkles upon it. An unhealthy infatuation often leads to reckless abandonment of what was once valued, and loss of ability to make rational evaluations of what is true, valuable and worthy of pursuit.
Remember - infatuation is a vaccine that immunizes you against seeing anything wrong with the other person. You tend put your beloved on a pedestal, a paragon of perfection. You live in a sort of Romantic Disneyland. Real love is not blind. Real love always does a reality check!

Real love must have ‘real’ gravity < Seriously, does that have to be a flashing neon sign micro-chipped in people's heads before they 'get it' ?

Regardless of who you are, your gender or challenges. Make time for some focused breathing, get in sync with the natural harmony around you, via your center of being… Anchor through coherent reasoning and sensibilities. Learn to nourish and embrace them for a healthier future and soul existence.


Love is patient and kind,
Love is not jealous, conceited, proud or boastful,
it is not arrogant, selfish, irritable or rude.
Love does not keep a record of wrongs.
Love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth,
Love never gives up, and its faith, hope and patience never fail.
Love is eternal.

~ 1-Corinthians 13:4 ~

In closing:

I say this all the time: The best defense against those who attempt to subjugate us into their mental fallacy, or nonsensical racketeering, is to stand firm and say NO. Be non participant to their stage antics.... move right away... walk away. Metaphorically, put them in a box and leave them in the middle of a field. By reacting, you give them what they want... Ignore and keep ignoring. Give your time and energy only to those who express back to you the same love and kindness you wish for yourself.

Arthur Crow © 2012